I Used to Hate My Stomach


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I used to hate my stomach. I always wondered why I was the lucky girl who could never have a flat stomach. I have always had a little pouch and little extra cushion on my sides. I was most worried about my stomach in high school.

I started to eat healthier in college as I did my grocery shopping and cooking. Also, I was a vegetarian who found other ways to consume protein. Over 3 years, I slowly lost 10 pounds going from the mid 130’s to the mid 120’s. I did not worry about my pouch and sides and was happy.

Then I got sick in July, 2012 and kept getting sicker until my ulcerative colitis diagnosis in August 2012. I had lost 10 pounds in one month, and I felt a little gross about that! All my pants were too big, and I felt self-conscious about that too.

While in remission for a couple of months, I was able to put my 10 pounds lost back on. Then as you might know I got sick again in November, 2012. In one week, I lost 17 pounds that brought me down to 108 pounds at just over 5’5”! I dropped something off my hospital bed, and I got up to bend down and pick it up off the floor without anyone else in the room. I could not lift myself back up. I had lost most of my muscles in my legs! It was a harsh reality that I was not getting any better and needed something to change. I went forth with surgeries to remove my diseased colon.

I woke up with an ileostomy. I was fearful while the (wonderful) nurse started to peel off the wafer/bag to change it for the first time. I breathed and then I saw my small intestine sticking out of my stomach. I asked if I could touch it, and I realized this will give me my life back. I came home at 99 pounds.

This experience has made me realize that weight is a good thing! To be healthy is to have weight on your bones. There is a point of being too thin and being too big. If you can find a way to get in the middle or are in the process of doing so :) you deserve to be happy. You have a beautiful working body. Before all this happened, I had a beautiful working body, and I did not appreciate it as much as I should have.

I have no reason to hate my stomach, even with my scars and current ileostomy. I have a beautiful working body that allows me to live a life.

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