‘Ew…”Exercise.” Is she going to tell me I need to exercise? Ugh… “Exercise,” I hate it. I don’t want to do it.’
Nope, I’m not going to tell you that. That’s your deal. I am going to tell you…
I am no longer exercising because I think I’m fat. I am no longer exercising because I’m part of a group sport. And, I am no longer exercising because I want to be beautiful.
I am now exercising because I want to feel well mentally– feeling strong, beautiful, and potentially living longer are huge, HUGE ass bonuses… Oh ha, maybe a big butt is a bonus too?!
But let’s get serious.
I’m a girl that appears from the outside to not have anything ‘off’ with her. Yes, people think I’m extremely quiet and that bothers some, but I don’t seem to have anything to be depressed or anxious about.
Everything seems OK.
It turns out that I am constantly fighting for my happiness and calmness.
I’ve been fighting so hard that people will comment on my ‘joy’ and ‘positive energy.’
Which is kind of awesome that I am having that effect on people.
Though, I’m still fighting over here. I’m picking my mind up out of despair and helplessness and talking to myself, telling myself to breathe- slow down- I’m ok, you can do this.
I have social anxiety.
And my bouts of depression stems from my social anxiety. It’s a sad, little quiet life I live a lot of days. Even though! I am an introvert and love me some quiet time.
It definitely feels like a catch 22, 90% of my life.
This is me: I’m alone, but I’m too anxious to talk to people. Ugh, I’m alone, but I don’t have the energy to deal with people.
A lot of clarity came
to me through therapy. I feel better about myself, but I’m still sharpening my tools to fight this.
Sweating, moving my body, and using my muscles brings my mind and body peace. I am able to more effectively breathe- slow down, and believe I am ok and will make it through whatever challenge I am facing.