In this post, I am drifting away from my personal life to focus on three other lives…
Go back in time with me on my lunch break this past Thursday. I am sitting outside, alongside the Chicago river, and I have eaten everything that I had packed, except for two carrots…
Two carrots…
I did not want to go back to my desk right away, so I decided to go for a walk. I thought, “Oh, the farmers market! I’ll go check that out, even though I don’t have my money with me.”
It is hot, it is vibrant, I see food that I would not mind buying. I am halfway around the Daley Plaza and hear and see a man desperate for food. I walk past him, but my heart tugs me… I turn around, and I go up to the man and ask, “Do you want my carrots?”
He says quick, “I don’t want carrots(!)”… while my face shows shock that I did not or could not help him in that moment… he continues to say, “I don’t have teeth.”
My breath comes back to me but my heart gets heavy with my stupidity.
I turn around to walk away, embarrassed and heartbroken, but I look back once more, and was relieved to hear and see him say, “Thank you though.”
Kindness out of hope… I felt happy for his kindness and started to smile, but I did not help him… I shook the smile off my face and awkwardly kept walking away…
I thought, “I could go back up and get my wallet and get him something to eat,” but I did not believe in this action enough to actually do it…
My heart tugged me, but I shut it up… I tried and was unsuccessful and gave up…
Maybe it is easier for me to give something of mine that does not bring me value, maybe I think it is not my responsibility… but my heart tugged me…
Once a man asked me to buy him a meal from a restaurant… I could not afford that, so I told him I would go home and pack him a lunch with what I had on hand. He either was surprised or did not like this suggestion, but I did so anyways… and my heart was confused yet again, when I walked back to him and saw that someone else had already bought him a meal. I did not know if I should still drop-off my homemade lunch for him, so I ate it myself later…
Then today… this morning, a Sunday morning with plans of going to church (for the first time, in a very long time), I was out walking and almost jumped out of my skin.
Preoccupied with walking through construction and holding onto a small and large plastic bag, I did not see a man cuddled-up to a bag of what might have been his only possessions.
In my bags were a blanket and a men’s outfit I and my boyfriend wanted to donate…
My heart pulsed “give these things to this man,” but I did not do it…
He looked like he was getting much needed sleep, and my mind did not want to wake him up or risk leaving my items there and having them ignored and unused…
I will never know what would have happened if I ran up to my desk to get my money, if I dropped-off my homemade lunch, or if I had left the items for the sleeping man. But maybe the next time I run into this situation, I can help. Or maybe I will find a way to contribute to the homeless population in other ways…
What do you do when your heart tugs you? When it tugs you about the injustices in our world. When it tugs you to take action.
I am obviously still figuring out what I do when my heart tugs me, but I know I need to do something.
The FlowryLife 
One possible suggestion is to carry gift cards with you to pass out whenever you come across these situations. Gift cards can be specific such as to a fast food restraurant–so you know exactly how it will be used. Or if you want to be generous you could use the kind that is a “visa” gift card so the person/people/family can get whatever they need.
Great idea! I like the idea of the visa gift card, because they know their needs better than me… can only hope that it won’t go towards substances. You’ve also reminded me that I can create care packages of basic daily stuff.
Yes. Basic daily supplies (soap, toothpaste, etc) are great things. This is a topic I’ve actually been researching (my blog about it will be on Sep. 30). As for what the money goes towards…if you are worried about that that is a reason for a specific gift card (food, gas, etc). Otherwise, I believe that God will look at YOUR heart and know what you intended when you gave the card (or whatever). What the person does with your gift is then between them and God. However, with all I’ve been reading, I believe that the majority of people will use the gift(s) as intended.
Oops. I forgot to say that as with everything, people who are trying to help should use some discretion as to who they give what.
For sure. That sums up my hesitation pretty well.
True, God will know and most people will use the gifts as intended.
Thanks for the info! :) Look forward to reading the post next month!